In the age of ghosting, you have two choices when the spark fizzles out. You can either simply fade away or do the honest, but highly awkward, thing and tell the truth.
Finding the words, however, is a little tricky if you’re looking to avoid hurt feelings. Well, we’ve tracked down some heartbreak-proof messages for you send to people, instead of ghosting them.
Use these texting templates as inspiration for your “Dear John” messages when you don’t feel like doing the slow fade. Because wouldn’t we all rather know the reason behind the demise of our fling?
‘Not sure if more dates will change it’
I received the following text recently after a fortnight of dates with a guy I met on Bumble. He was a really nice chap, but there was no real connection. Still, I didn’t particularly feel like ghosting him. So, when I received the following text from him a few days after our final date, I felt relieved.
“There doesn’t seem to have been something beyond friendship between us, I’m hoping I’m not off the mark on that, but not sure if more dates will change it!”
I swiftly replied to let him know he wasn’t “off the mark” and both of us moved on with our lives.
‘I wish you all the best’
Online dater Hilary Presley describes herself as “so anti-ghosting” but says it can be awkward to tell “someone you’re not even really dating” that you don’t want to see them anymore. “It feels like you’re being too dramatic to even “break up” something that was never a thing. But, ghosting leaves the other person hanging and wondering what they did wrong,” says Presley.
She received two messages recently, which she feels are generic and “would pretty much work in any situation.”
“To be honest, I’ve been thinking about this and I don’t see this going anywhere, so I think it’d be best to just end it now. It was so great getting to know you and I wish you all the best.”
‘I’m sure you will find someone better than me’
Self-deprecation might not be for everyone, but this text — sent to Presley — is another option.
“I thought of our relationship and I don’t see it progressing. I think it’s better if we end it now. You are a very nice girl and I’m sure you will find someone better than me.”
‘I didn’t feel we had that elusive spark’
“It doesn’t have to be some big hoopla, just one text made things clear and straightforward,” says Presley. “More often than not it’s not that you did anything wrong or are a terrible person, it just wasn’t a match or there wasn’t any spark.”
Some people keep a pre-written template up their sleeve, which can be adapted whenever a situation arises.
29-year-old Amanda (who prefers to use only her first name) has one such message in reserve: “I wanted to let you know I didn’t feel we had that elusive spark, I’m sorry (although sure you felt the same!). Best of luck in your search, I’m sure she’s right round the corner. Take care.”
‘I don’t think we mesh’
Of course, these texts don’t have to be particularly long at all.
Many people would prefer to fire off a simple message to the effect of “we don’t mesh.”
“I’m sorry, I just don’t think we mesh,” is simple, but it gets the message across.
‘Too busy to date’
This is a blunt one. I’m “too busy to date” is a decent go-to excuse if you’re looking for a way out, even if you’re not really that busy at all.
‘Not really in a place yet to go on dates’
Just out of a relationship and not quite ~there~ yet? Just be honest. It’s always good to hear that it’s not you, it’s them.
Go forth and spread the anti-ghosting goodness.